I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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