You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
