My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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