I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found the puke drawer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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