actually, I'm a sock model
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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