Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
