i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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