Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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