shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
