trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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