He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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