theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
