Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
third nipple confirmed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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