I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
