We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
