The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
