Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
