I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
