youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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