Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
