he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
