She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
MIDGETS
????
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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