what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
