where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize