it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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