I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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