worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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