then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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