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so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
