I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
