Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
