I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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