OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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