i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize