I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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