I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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