U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize