If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
