the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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