Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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