first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I FOUND THE LEGS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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