I want to have your abortion
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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