the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
