I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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