I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
