the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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