all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
