Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
