After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize