OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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