can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
