I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
