I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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