How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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