she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
