i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize