why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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