I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
