If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Congratulations! We have a period
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