some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
