its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
