oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
