Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
