we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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