You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Farmville is her only friend.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
