I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
