The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
