he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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