I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
