you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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