Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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