Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
