Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Houston, we have a blender
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
